The awesome author, Ben Ditmars is my twelve guest on my 'Deliciously Scandalous Blog Tour'. Another great interview ;)

Thank you once again for joining me on my tour. Today I have a crazy, wonderful author, Ben Dimars with me. This guy is a hoot! I don't know if you have visited my website, but there is a free ebook called, 'Turkey Slap'. You can download this fantastic ebook free from Smashwords. It was a competition I entered with many other very talented authors to write a short story, no more than 1.000 word, To my surprise I found that easy too and I ended up coming in fifth place, even though there were only four ladies in my story getting slapped around with Louie, I know what you are thinking, 'Here we go again with the Louie jokes!', What can I say other than I like to get him in when I can! God that sounded wrong too! Oh well... Yes I was saying about the competition, the idea of the stories in there are to be funny and erotic, and giving someone a good, 'Turkey Slap'. Which is slapping someone with their own Louie! The brains behind it all were the four whips, best known as, Dionne Lister, Melissa Craig, Amber Norgarrd and Charity Parkerson. I came in fifth place and my next author came in first. It didn't matter to me who came first or second. For me it was about taking part with me being new to writing, I was very surprised that I did win a place in this fantasic ebook that is free to down load here, 'Just saying'... :)  http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/250379 
There are many wonderful authors in there and it really is well worth checking out. Ben Ditmars is the next very creative mind I do have on here :) He has to fly in today from Mars, but he telly ported this message across to me, for you. A littlie about Ben Ditmars >>

Ben Ditmars comes from the clan Dit of the planet Mars.  He was first published in his planet’s publication The Cornfield Review in 2010.  Since then he has been published in a zine and various online literary journals across the galaxy.  He is a founding member of the Quillective Project, an annual publication to benefit charity and NOT destroy the cecilopods of gamma quadrant 1412 alpha.  If you have a moment, take some time, and listen to Ben co-host the Lyrical Versification Podcast with fellow author and poet Amber Jerome~Norrgard, where we talk world domination, and occasionally poetry.

Hey Ben, Its great to see you have landed down on planet earth safe and sound, great bio :) I know it's a culture shock and it will take some time for you to adjust here; I see you have come in disguise and that's a great thing. If the Feds ever did catch up with you then they would poke you with all kinds of stuff! I know all this from applying for a position there. They said I would have to poke a lot of aliens and how would I feel about that? I thought I had met a few in my time so why not! I wrote down whatevery she's comfortable with and of course depending how Louie feels that day... Well you never know he could of had a hard time the night before! They did a background check and found out about Louie and decided it was best if I didn't come onboard! I said. 'I will cum at home instead, but there were not impressed! I may have misunderstood the question mind you. 'Giggles'... 

Sometimes in life we all want more than what we can have, but if you had one wish to have anything or anyone, what would that wish be and why?

If I had one wish to have anything or anyone, I would get a time machine and have everything and everyone.  First, I would high-five Lincoln, then make-out with Cleopatra, maybe read some lost books from the library at Alexandria.  The possibilities are endless.

It's a great thought I will give you that, but you only get one wish! Here's your time machine, mine is over there, only I asked for a working time machine and you have gotten the old Doctor Who Telephone box from the museum, 'Giggles'...

I would like you to make a short story up using no more than 400 words containing every one of these 14 key words; Hen, Game, Nail, Cock, Figure, Window, Government, Dog poo, Sex, Lamp, Spoon, Hole, Flame, Sheep!

The sheep burst into a sex flame and the plan was nearing completion.  Soon, the Hens and Cocks would topple world governments as every creature spooned one another, and eventually, nailed.  Their holes were no match for the Orgasmatic Lamp orbiting earth.  The Game, one rooster called it, would make poultry more than the mere dog poo of society.  General Fry readied the preparations, loading Windows 7.
“Sex lamp activated,” he said, wearing his favourite army boots.  They were a bit eccentric, but chickens were never known for their strong fashion sense.
Chaos reigned below.  The rest of the sheep nailed each other, and moved onto dogs, and then humans.  The humans in turn gave it to the Bengal tigers.  The interplanetary orgy reached maximum power.  “Victory is ours,” shouted General Fry.  But he was as premature as the ejaculation below.
Windows 7 froze at the key moment.  The General tried control-alt-delete, but the system would not budge.  Animals were left having endless sex below, without exploding.  It was a disaster, but none seemed to mind, as all war and conflict had abruptly ended.
General Fry, seeing the pleasure of earth’s inhabitants, realized the futility of his mission.  He turned the Orgasmatic Lamp toward his fellow cocks and hens, and they too did the nasty for all eternity.

Lmao, I will be honest when I say, 'Beam me up Scottie!' Very interesting story and what goes on in your head is beyond beyond :) You did a great job, but I couldn't see the word figure and you didn't use the correct words given! Shame on you... I can't hold it against you, I know you have been away for a long time. You just need to adjust :) Still it was a great and very creative mind to to come up with that. Don't twist what I am saying. I am being serious :) 

When I first started writing I had a lot of negative people around me, I know I  had to lose that energy in order to continue writing and fulfilling what others thought I couldn't do. Did you ever experience any of this when you first started writing or was you lucky enough to have the right support around you?

I’ve been lucky to have supportive people around me.  I started writing stories including my friends in middle-school.  They found them humorous, and seemed impressed with my later works as well.  The indie community has also been wonderful and embracing.

A huge high five and that is always music to my ears... I am glad you said people, I wouldn't want my readers thinking there is an alien abduction like there was on Vickie's interview that I did! The Indie world is an amazing place with many amazing people including your good self. It's great to see so many different people working together and helping one anther to be successful in what they do, I totally agree with you :)   

If you had a chance to run any country and make a difference, what county would it be and why?

I am very much with Justin Bog in saying Uganda.  It’s intolerable what they are doing to their own citizens.  If we could change the laws against homosexuals there I believe it could be done anywhere.

I agree with you and Justin on that, it is terrible and is far from humane!  

What would you say the worst thing a reader has ever said to you and what was your reaction?

The worst thing a reader has said to me was on my blog.  They essentially said I was horrible and should stop trying.

I would like you to vision yourself walking down a busy high street with your partner and suddenly there was a noise that came from her bottom and people turned around looking at you, what would your reaction be and why?
I
 would be a gentleman and take the blame, maybe even fart myself.  Or, I would just keep walking and ignore them.

That's the spirit as 'Emily Hill would say, God love her! Would take the blame after all  we are only human :)

Use only two words that would describe you?

Bearded

Gnome

LMAO! I love it :) Everyone you must read 'Turkey Slap!'

8, Have you ever been…
A, The owner of a lonely heart
B. The owner of a broken heart
C. None of the above?
If the answer is C, please can you tell the reader how you have done it, I can see the reader would being interested to know that one, I know I am.

I have never owned a broken heart, for a broken heart is shattered from possessing no true owner.  The lonely hearts we own each day, or maybe, they own us.

Beautiful... The right heart will come along one day. It happens to us all at some point. I just hope you never do get to own a broken one! I'm damaged goods myself you know, like that cartoon Raggy Dolls years ago; those dolls had it good... I am well getting off track now, 'Giggles' Anyway let's have a little fun...

It's time for a little fun, I would like you to do the rhyme ‘Humpty Dumpty’. Using your own words and without holding back.

Coney Gnomey never felt tall
Coney Gnomey bounced like a ball
All the town’s athletes and the town’s fans
Dribbled and tossed him between their hands.

LOL...Yes! You passed that hands down, 'Giggles'

When you are writing, do you ever think, 'Erm me and my partner did that last night, that has to go into the story as?

Oh, yes.  I’m a poet.  I can get away with things.  I might put it into a metaphor, but she’ll know what’s up.

Lol... I can't get away with sod all as my stories are none-fiction. Whoops! Still I have no regrets :)!

If you could be a musical instrument, what would you be and why?

I would be the ocarina.  It is most angelic.  Also, it controls the fabric of space and time.

Another high five on that, the fabric of space and time, you are so right. Silk sheets are always the best! Whoops, we are not on about that fabric are we... That's me and my mind... Never mind...

If you could change one thing about you as a person, what would that one thing be?

If I could change one thing about myself, it would be that I’m not holding a big bag full of money.  I think I would look better holding a big bag full of money.  Other than that, I really enjoy myself.

Sounds good to me... Please share like we all do on FB LMAO :)

I know we all remember our first kiss, would you say yours was a good experience or a bad one... 
Please explain why?

It was bitter sweet.  I kissed this girl spur of the moment, and we only ended up going on a couple more dates.  It would have been nice to have something more romantic and long term result from it.

A long term result is always a good result :)

Do you ever remember a part in your life that’s made a huge impact on you as a person. If so would you like to share that part with the reader?

My grandfather’s death, especially, changed the way I perceive things.  I view service differently.  My grandfather didn't complain, or think the government owed him anything for fighting in World War 2.  Medicare took his house away to pay for his nursing home care, but that wasn't what he focused on.  His focus was keeping the family together and paying off as much of his debt as he could.  I think this made me better realize that what we do for others should be its own reward, and that service is ultimately not self-serving.

He sounds a great guy, I can relate to that with my grandfather. He isn't around today, but he was one of the kind with a heart of gold. His family was his main focus when he was in the war and out and to be honest I miss him like crazy, I even have a tear in my eye writing this now you brought the subject up! Thanks for hitting a nerve,  but it's a great nerve to hit as his memory will always live on with me and boy I do want to make him proud and in my heart I know he is looking down and I am making him very proud. I even did a little dedication on my Youtube trailer for, 'Louie Has Landed The Early Days' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyPu0Z9f8qo Thank you for making some awesome memories come back to life, not that they would ever be forgotten. 'Love you gramps'... 

Who inspired you to write or was it always a dream to be an author?

I think it was always a dream.  I don’t know who exactly inspired me, because I’ve been writing for so long.  Robert Frost inspired my poetry a great deal, and Tolkien inspired me a lot in fiction.

I am glad Tolkien did inspire you or I wouldn't be here talking to a guy from Mars! 'Giggles'... 

Can you tell the reader about your latest work and also tell the reader where they can find you?

My latest work is a collection of short stories.  They are not my own, but I’ve put them in the public domain.  Our grandmother used to read them to my siblings and me when we were little.  They’ve never had an author, title, or anything, however.  Right now, they’re just on Smashwords, but I plan to get them on Kindle and paperback soon.

                      WebSite>> http://benditmars.com/

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/332497

Goodreads, http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5132689.Ben_Ditmars

Facebook,https://www.facebook.com/benjam inditmars

Twitter,@benditty

Blog Page Niceoldspice.blogspot.com

It has been awesome having you on here Ben and I wish you all the success this world can offer you.

Hey, Kevin, I came up with a spur of the moment idea today. I made a print edition of the ebook I mention. Could you add a link? I want to donate the proceeds to charity as well.

Of course you can Ben, it's a great idea. 

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.createspace.com%2F4350369&h=GAQH54IuG

Thanks again Ben, you have been a true gentleman and a star. We would like to wish everyone a fantastic weekend. The next interview will return in two weeks time. I hate saying that, but my work load at this end is through the roof. Don't worry as it's not the end, but only the beginning. I would like to also thank once again, Edith Mosback for being a huge rock and a fantasic support to me and my writing. One amazing lady who I can't thank enough, but I do always manage to slip it in somewhere! 'The thank you's I mean'... I can tell your ready for the weekend :) Enjoy and be safe and until next time, that's us both out of here.  I will return in two weeks time ;)


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